Missionary Journal – July 22, 1989
Day 53 of my full-time mission
Area: Afton, Wyoming
It was a really yucky day this morning. It was cloudy, cold, and rainy. But, we proceeded to get the mail around 10:30 a.m., undaunted by the rain.
I got four letters: from Julia, Kathy, Sean McCall (a friend from the Y who’s on a mission in Canada), and Evan. He’s really down. I feel bad because it sounds like he’s hating his mission. I’ll have to write to him soon.
We went out this afternoon and talked with some people. We saw Kathy Raden again today. She’s so great. We’ve set up times to start teaching her and her daughter. It’s great to work with people like that.
You know, I’ve thought about my feelings last week, and I think I’ve figured some more things out.
First of all, I had lost faith and hope. I really do know what I’m teaching is true. And that knowledge didn’t come by a vision, but gradual learning and a feeling of correctness inside.
Second, I lost sight of the whole picture: the purpose of life. Sure, I’m on a mission and have certain responsibilities, but I still have a life to live and think about. I’ll only be here for a few months and fewer with Gatlin. As long as I’m reading the scriptures and gaining knowledge, I need to realize that I’m filling that part of me that hungers and thirsts after righteousness. I am accomplishing something, even if it’s my own learning.
Third, attitude! I became pessimistic and then lost faith. I need to learn to always look for the good. I can recognize the bad, but only if I plan to change it to good and act on it. If I want to recognize it just to think how awful I am, that’s wrong and not of God.
Fourth, I’m only human. Despite my strong desire to always choose the right, I fail. If I start thinking that every day I do everything right and have no need for change, I’m wrong! I always need to analyze my day and accomplishments and talk with my Heavenly Father about what I did well and, most importantly, what I’ll do better tomorrow.
It’s so true that if we’re not spiritually progressing, we’re digressing.
Fifth, yes, sometimes I fail, but I am still loved. My family loves me. My Heavenly Father loves me. And my Savior loves me. If I realize this and feel it through concentrated prayer, I can love myself. And when I love myself, things always go well.
My Scripture: Moroni 6:2-4 — …they were numbered among the people of the church of Christ; and their names were taken, that they might be remembered and nourished by the good word of God, to keep them in the right way, to keep them continually watchful unto prayer, relying alone upon the merits of Christ, who was the author and the finisher of their faith.