my missionary journal

Missionary Journal – June 13, 1989

Day 14 of my full-time mission
Area: Missionary Training Center, Provo, Utah

This place has a great spirit, but it is still hard to keep a good attitude about being here and loving the work. I need to repent of that, and I have prayed today for that. I just get discouraged and I guess that’s part of my mortal imperfections. I hate them!

This afternoon we didn’t go to the gym. I listened to “Celebrating the Light” while I was trying to go to sleep, gut I got all excited about life and ended up getting on my knees and praying for love, guidance, protection, success in obeying all the commandments, and a divine realization of my testimony of this church and the work I’m about. I prayed for over 30-minutes and by the time I was done, I was sobbing. I could be so much more than I am, but I know Heavenly Father loves me.

Elder Ashton, of the Quorum of the Twelve, spoke to us tonight and I believe I received an answer to my prayer from him. He talked about the Missionary Training Center but substituted different words, management of self, testimony and character. When he talked about testimony, he said that there are two kinds: the sudden impact type and the quiet type.

I think I personally was told that it’s just fine that I have gained a quiet type through perseverance and consistency, because I know I have a testimony and that this IS true. It’s just that I’ve never really had a vision or anything, and I really don’t deserve one. I just have a knowledge of the work and I know it’s true. I love it!

I want to be so great! I want to become a wonderful person, a great example of Christ’s church. I want everyone to know my name and what I stand for.

I read through my patriarchal blessing and it says I was called and sent to perform a sacred mission on behalf of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I can’t help but think that this mission is important (my life’s mission and this present mission). I know that I will supply monetary means for the establishment of Zion here on the earth. Whether that means Jackson County or just a place where the spirit dwells, I know not. But I do know I have to be all I can be at all times!


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