my missionary journal

Missionary Journal – June 20, 1989

I am so full of emotion right now. We’re leaving! I can’t believe it. Man, I just can’t believe that tomorrow I’ll be out in the field. I’m scared and yet excited.

And do you know what I’m scared about? The fact that I don’t feel smart enough to be trusted with the welfare of someone’s soul. I don’t know that I can give them that important message and knowledge that they must gain to come unto Christ. But I’m excited to love people!

Even though right now I’m pretty sad that I won’t see John or Mark or Scott for two years. They’re great guys. I hope they do their best at always doing what’s right.

I cried after I said goodbye to John. I felt like he was worried about all this but I didn’t have time to get it out of him. I feel concerned. I’ll pray for him.

You know, since I’ve got into the Missionary Training Center, I’ve prayed for a few things, but this one mainly: charity. And, I find myself having a small part of that “pure love of Christ” for my friends, district, zone, companion, etc. And, it hurts to see them go. And, when I think about losing people, I cry about my family. I love them so much and I want them to be worthy to go to the temple again.

Heavenly Father, please give any blessings I may earn for my mission to my family, that they may be recommitted to Thy gospel!

I shouldn’t be so sad. It was a wonderful day!

Around 9 a.m., they called a choir practice and we thought we’d get to sing for the prophet! He was here today. We practiced for an hour and waited for another half-hour. But, they said he couldn’t fit it into his schedule. We were really disappointed. But, we did sing for Elder Packer and hear him speak about the spirit. It was wonderful.

Those men, the Church’s apostles and general authorities, are my idols. What else could a mere man do with his life to equal that? Oh, how I love and pray for them in their responsibilities in governing the Church. But, I know Christ will take care of all things. I love Him too!

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